Recently, I celebrated my twentieth birthday. Somehow, birthdays, instead of being something special to that person, lands up being a day that can only be made special by other people. For this one, I knew that other people wouldn’t get how important it was for me and, while being well-intentioned, their efforts wouldn’t make the day I wanted. While friends and family mostly ignored it by my instruction, inside, I was over-joyed.
I know I’ll always have a part of me that perfectly fits the angsty teenager, but I’m heading to an age where I can be more free to be all the parts of me. Change has always been something that I was scared of until I really understood what it meant. Fundamentally, I know who I am and I know that there are parts of me that will never change, but situations and the way I approach these parts change. And I think it’s really important to acknowledge these changes, because I think it’s really important to accept them because that’s how we grow as human beings. Which is why I’m not doing anything more on this blog!
I have really enjoyed working on this blog and working on understanding myself through it. Which is why I know that this blog no longer serves a purpose to me. A few weeks ago I changed the tagline for teenbutch to “just another young queer” from “just another teenage lesbian” because the truth is, I no longer feel like just another teenage lesbian. Once I had done that change, I realised that that meant more than just a tagline- the way I felt comfortable labelling myself had changed. I haven’t changed so much, but I know more about myself than when I started this blog and the way I express myself has changed. This blog was meant to be an outlet for me to be able to express myself, both as a writer, a teenager and a lesbian. But now, I no longer truly identify as a lesbian or a teenager. My sexuality is the same as it always has been, but my expression of it has changed. And I still love expressing these parts of myself- and I’m still very much a writer! Which is why I’m starting a new blog, youngqueer, which will be much the same but I feel like I might be able to express more of myself there than on this one. Thanks for all the support, and I hope you’ll enjoy the new blog!